03/12/2009 by Ted.

Christmas  certainly brings out the chestnuts.  Here’s another.

The Pope is visiting New York and decides to take a turn at the wheel of the limousine. The Pope gets in the driving seat, the driver hops in the back, and the Pope takes off at 80mph.

Unsurprisingly they are pulled over by a Traffic Cop who after a quick look rings in to the Police Station.

“We have got a VIP situation here”, says the cop. “I’ve just pulled someone over who is really important!”

“Who is it?”, asks the Station Controller.

“I don’t know”, says the cop.  “But his chauffeur is the Pope!”

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03/12/2009 by Richard.

A Scottish man calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas - and they’re paying their own way

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03/12/2009 by Ted.

Now only 28 days to the shortest day!

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