07/11/2009 by Richard.

Drink Driving

A true story from the Mount Isa Police in Queensland
Only an Aussie could pull this one one

A routine Police patrol car
parked outside a local neighbourhood pub.

Late in the evening the officer noticed
a man leaving the bar so intoxicated
that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around
the car park for a few minutes,
with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity
and trying his keys on five Recently vehicles.
The man managed to find his car,
which he fell into.

He was there for a few minutes
as a number of other patrons
left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car,
switched the wipers on and off
(it was a fine dry night).
Then flicked the indicators on, then off,
tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
reversed a little and then remained stationary
for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park
and started to drive slowly down the road.

The Police officer,
having patiently waited all this time,
now started up the patrol car,
put on the flashing lights,
promptly pulled the man over
and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement
the breathalyser indicated
no evidence of the man’s intoxication.

The Police officer said
‘I’ll have to ask you to accompany me
to the Police station
this breathalyser equipment must be broken.’

‘I doubt it,’ said the man,
‘tonight I’m the designated decoy’

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07/11/2009 by Pat.

An Australian ventriloquist is telling dumb-women jokes in a bar when a lady stands up and complains, “I’ve heard enough of your lousy jokes about women”, she shouts. “What makes you think you can stereotype women in this way?”

The ventriloquist is very embarrassed and starts to apologise.

The lady interrupts,

“You stay out of it mister! I’m talking to the little b*****d on your knee!”

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