The Gas Man Cometh - Flanders and Swann

‘Twas on a Monday morning the gas man came to call.
The gas tap wouldn’t turn - I wasn’t getting gas at all.
He tore out all the skirting boards to try and find the main
And I had to call a carpenter to put them back again.

‘Twas on a Tuesday morning the carpenter came round.
He hammered and he chiselled and he said:
“Look what I’ve found: your joists are full of dry rot
But I’ll put them all to rights”.
Then he nailed right through a cable and out went all the lights!

‘Twas on a Wednesday morning the electrician came.
He called me Mr. Sanderson, which isn’t quite the name.
He couldn’t reach the fuse box without standing on the bin
And his foot went through a window so I called the glazier in

‘Twas on a Thursday morning the glazier came round
With his blow torch and his putty and his merry glazier’s song.
He put another pane in - it took no time at all
But I had to get a painter in to come and paint the wall.

‘Twas on a Friday morning the painter made a start.
With undercoats and overcoats he painted every part:
Every nook and every cranny - but I found when he was gone
He’d painted over the gas tap and I couldn’t turn it on!

On Saturday and Sunday they do no work at all;
So ’twas on a Monday morning that the gasman came to call…

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